If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
