That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
