I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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