I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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