she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
