Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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