just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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