I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
sex in a hospital.. check
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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