we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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