Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
