you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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