covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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