Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
