We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
