Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
