I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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