First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Actions speak louder than pants.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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