I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
