im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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