I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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