I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
