Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
