Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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