the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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