capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
