i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
