I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
