Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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