my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
