Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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