I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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