It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
