this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
