I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
