I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
