Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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