real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
