Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just pynch a tree in the face
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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