One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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