My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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