We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
