An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
