I seem to have left my pride at pride
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
