i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
