if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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