Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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