She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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