Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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