So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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