she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
