hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
