These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
