Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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