I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Of course I have a pirate flag
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
